It's Sunday and even after beaching myself on the couch in my jammies like a Leisure Whale until almost noon, I still managed to have a productive day. My Streamline/DeClutter Project continued, and I got rid of or put away a lot of stuff, stuff that will later be donated or sold at the community garage sale in the spring. I was feeling quite Accomplished, let me tell you, and my efforts will continue tomorrow.
Lest you feel overshadowed by my Great Success, I've got you covered. I came across this article, brought to you by the hugely respected journalistic source known as HackSpirit. The author of the article, a man in his mid-thirties who admits he's "gearing up for his mid-life crisis," says there are "11 accomplishments that could mean you're more successful than you think." I don't know about you, but I'm definitely interested in what a thirtysomething man deems Success In Life. Let's go!
1. College degree or equivalent
2. Mastery of a hobby
3. Marriage
4. Own property/real estate
5. Have a job, a car, a home, a partner at the same time
6. 3 months' expenses in savings
7. Someone has said they are envious of you
8. Someone has asked to interview you
9. Good credit rating
10.Childhood self would approve
11. Feeling of accomplishment
I cannot believe that Decluttering is not on this list. Nor is Restraining My Urge To Give Advice To Adult Children.
But I digress.
Obviously, a few of these are just bullshit. Does anyone have to be married to be Accomplished or Successful? Has everyone been asked for an interview? I think we all know plenty of accomplished people--successful people--who lack a college degree (or equivalent).
I will say that I like Number 10 quite a bit. Personally, my Childhood Self would approve of Grownup Nance many times over. I think I mentioned before that I keep my kindergarten photo on my dresser to remind me of the little girl who wanted to be a teacher and a mom. I look at her often and think about how so many of her dreams came true and then some. It helps me stay grateful.
Many of these smack of great privilege. Not everyone can own their own home. Not everyone can maintain 3 months' savings for emergencies. And we all know that Success is relative.
Some days, my only criteria for Success is to remain vertical during a migraine. Others, it's to refrain from saying anything about the pile of papers on the table next to Rick's chair. Or, it might be to get dinner on the table five days a week.
How do you feel about these 11 criteria for Success? Do you feel like you're a Success? Which criteria would you change or add?
Um. I meet all of them up to and including 9. I am not sure about 10. Yes, she was planning to be Somebody, but she wasn't with it enough to pick out a career. My 15 year old self wanted to be a lawyer. My father, who was one, talked me out of that because, he said, women had a rough time in law.
ReplyDeleteAs for ll. No, not really. Never enough. I have tried, all my life, to be a good person, a good citizen, support my community, look after my family, learn, teach and help. Never enough, always something that breaks my heart. At the moment it is stories about rape and other atrocities visited on the women of Israel by Hamas. Although I am sure that the Israeli soldiers presently tearing up the Gaza Strip are not saints, the stories coming out about the Hamas raid are simply terrible. What can any one woman do other than bear witness and try to make sure others do as well. Not enough. Apologies, Nance. I have always tried to keep blogging separate from political stuff of any sort. Mostly I have. And here I am cluttering up your comments. Sorry.
Mary--Don't be sorry; it's okay. My Comments are an open forum.
DeleteI think you judge yourself too harshly. You do all the things you say you have tried to do. In our vast world, there will always be something we cannot fix or remedy. If we each try to do Something, Somewhere, our kindnesses will be helping. We'll help keep our corners bright, and that brightness will spread, we hope. Keep Hope alive, Mary. We must do what we can.
Just how in the hell does mastering a hobby equal success? I'm with you, I call bs on most of this list, with an exception for number 10. I didn't know you kept a picture of your kindergarten self on your dresser to remind yourself. That is such a good idea.
ReplyDeleteGigi--I'm sure Being Really Good At Something is a type of Success; it shows you've stuck with something long enough to master it. But, the same thing could be said of so many things, like driving a car or learning your job or caring for a pet. And what if you have a hobby like I do--knitting--and you're far from mastering it, but you are okay at it and truly enjoy it?
DeleteGo get a picture of 5-year old Gigi and put her out where you can see her. You'd be surprised how often you look at her and feel good.
That list is ridiculous. He must lead a very small, narrow life if this is what he thinks means success. And who cares? (Although #11 is okay; I do feel a sense of accomplishment, and I'm very proud of what I've achieved.)
ReplyDeleteI too have started decluttering. So hard; so much stuff. But I'm thinking of downsizing (that dreaded word). Would love a ranch (another dreaded word in Hudson [I think there are maybe 5]) or at least a house w/a master bedroom and laundry room on first floor. As soon as I see one listed I think it's already sold. The market remains crazy.
Elle--I think the market will calm down in a while. Certainly you'd find something suitable outside of Hudson, but I understand if you want to remain there.
DeleteI decorated my house during the 80s and 90s when the style was so different--lots of stuff, lots of luxe, lots of doodads. I'm so over it. Our lakehouse is very stripped down, very simple, and I love that. So unfussy. Little by little, I'm getting rid of dust collectors here. And extraneous tables! How did I amass so many flat surfaces?
I think young J would have agreed with much of this list, many of them are things that I hoped to accomplish. But you're right, they scream privilege, and also a very narrow definition of success.
ReplyDeleteJ--You make a very good point. A Very Young Nance would have called these items Success as well. I wanted a lot of these things, and I would have felt successful attaining them. And who among us wouldn't wish many of these things for our kids?
DeleteAlso, the idea that having someone be envious of you is anything at all to be proud of is just weird.
ReplyDeleteJ--I found this item to be petty. Why include it? There is always going to be someone who is envious of you, even for the silliest or worst of reasons. And it always says more about the other person than it does of you.
DeleteNance, #10 is the one that really resonates for me too... I love that you keep your kindergarten picture on your dresser--I think I may borrow that. Would that be ok? I'm really grateful for the many yeses with which life has answered my childhood questions about the future!
ReplyDeletemaya--Of course! I think it's lovely that you would want to. I find it to be very affirming, and I look at 5-year old Nance more often than I thought I would with Gratitude, Joy, and Love.
DeleteThank you, Nance!
DeleteThis is ridiculous. How does marriage mean anything meaningful except that you were lucky enough to stumble upon someone who was the right fit? Ugh. Are you kind? Are you thoughtful? Do you vote (correctly)? Do you have friends? Do you pay your taxes? There are so many things besides marriage, real estate, and jobs!!
ReplyDelete(Also, Childhood NGS would be so unimpressed with Adult NGS. LOL.)
NGS--I bet Little NGS would be more impressed than you think. You're kind, thoughtful, vote correctly, have great friends and pets, and pay your taxes. Among other things.
DeleteThis list is downright entertaining. Have you been interviewed? INTERVIEWED! My clear favorite SOMEONE HAS SAID THAT THEY ARE ENVIOUS OF YOU. Come on. Pretty sure no one is envious of me or my life choices, so shucks - I guess that means I'm all washed up. Outrageous.
ReplyDeleteErnie--aka The Washed-Up One--LOL! Come on now. You can cross off other items on this list: married, job/car/home/partner at the same time, own property, good credit rating, etc. You're not down for the count yet!
DeleteProbably now is not the time to tell you that I've been interviewed--TWICE--by a magazine. And on the radio--TWICE. And by producers for the Jay Leno show. No lie. Long story.
(And I am not envious of, but in awe of, your huge, generous heart.)
I don't own a home or have that much money in savings. And my childhood self would be baffled by my life today (although I'm pretty happy with it). Otherwise I guess I meet the criteria for success. However - I don't really feel "successful." I might feel more successful if I did a little more decluttering!
ReplyDeleteBug--Well, when we were all kids, our dreams of the future were concrete and simple. We chose careers and lives that were basic: married, maybe parents, teacher, doctor, firefighter, bus driver, nurse. We didn't even know about careers like financial advisor, nursing home administrator, estimator, or forensic accountant. We didn't even think about how hard it was to find the right person to marry.
DeleteSometimes I think that Being Successful boils down to feeling content and not constantly being worried about money. As NGS said above, that contentment has to do with feeling good about yourself and your place in your community--are you kind? are you thoughtful? do you do what you can to help others?
Ah, the decluttering. I think I reached That Point, you know? Maybe when you reach yours, you'll do it.
"Someone has said they are envious of you?" I dunno know that I'd call that a sign of success, but then I might not be in need of external validation as much as this young guy.
ReplyDeleteAlly--Good point. External validation isn't a true measure of Success, at least for everyone.
DeleteNo one has ever asked me to interview for a job but I've been offered jobs without me seeking them. Does that count? Other wise I'm successful according to this list except for number ten. On most days my inner child would like how I turned out but occasionally she says I could have done better and wasted some natural talent. I love that you keep a photo of yourself as a young girl on your dresser. The reason why is so sweet and sentimental and sentimental is my middle name.
ReplyDeleteJean--It counts if you want it to count. I'm wildly successful according to this list, having hit all 11, but for goodness' sake, what a list it is. The writer is no expert, that's for sure.
DeleteYes, even I can be a little sentimental now and then. It doesn't happen all that often, but I do have my moments.
Geez. Most of this Success in Life measuring stick looks like a checklist for pretentious snobs attending their 20-year high school reunion. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteAgree with you that No. 10 is the only one with any merit. Even that, though, has its flaws. Sometimes our childhood dreams are built on what we think our parents would like us to achieve. My parents were always supportive of whatever we wanted: "Do what makes your heart sing." I did always want to be a teacher, so I managed to achieve that. And I wanted to see a bit of the world, which I have also done in my own way.
So, my version of this list would be boiled down to: “I have never judged my success based on trophies, job status, or accumulation of material wealth.” (Now I need to go watch the movie "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion," lol.)
Ortizzle--What if this guy met a member of IVHQ who had been spending many years working with communities in Guatemala or wherever? Or working with relief organizations in Haiti? How would those people fare on his list? Yet, we could argue that they are quite accomplished and successful, and we have no doubt they'd feel the same.
DeleteI think the extrinsic symbols of success are comforting, but they mean little if we don't have the intrinsic ones. And we are the best judges of our own success, as you point out.